President Trump teaches a class on how to think

The President (pounding a lectern in a Harvard classroom): Write this down. Rule Number 1: Always speak before you think. That way, you’ll never know what you meant, and no matter what meaning someone attributes to you, you can say, “That’s not what I had in mind.”

Student 1 (reading from her notes): Rule Number 1 is, “Always speak before you think”?

The President: I never said that.

Student 1: But….

The President: Here’s what I mean, Toots. I have two aides, Sam Speake and Yu Think. They’re always pushing and shoving each other in the cafeteria line, so I have an ironclad rule: Serve Sam first -- he’s bigger. Always Speake before Yu Think.

Student 2: So, this is a rule for avoiding food fights in the White House?

The President: No, it’s our nuclear-launch policy. Pay attention.

Student 2: But….

The President: Now I know why the bellhops at my hotels are never Harvard graduates. Harvard can’t cut the mustard. At the White House, we hire all of our staff from the world-class Trump University. The speechwriters are so good, you’d think you were reading Lincoln.

Student 3: You probably are.

--Leon Taylor, tayloralmaty@ail.com